They tell you to never look a snake in the eyes, or else you'll get the @^@ swirly eyes treatment and it'll probably end with you getting eaten with some stupid look plastered on your face. They *don't* tell you about what to do if a snake manages to ambush you and wrap some coils around your torso—each of them containing incredibly strong muscles that are larger than any of your limbs and they weigh a ton. It's like the people who tell you to punch a shark in the nose if they're trying to eat you—like, even if you ignored the fact that you're effectively throwing your arm *towards its mouth* (real smart), how are you going to strike it with enough force to bop it hard enough to make it reconsider its dinner plans when you're underwater and moving like a sloth? Wait, I think I went on this rant before... anyway—it's gotta be some sort of placebo advice that they give just to put you more at ease and dismiss the dangers, because in reality you've got several-times-your-frail-frame's weight all over you nice and snug and you can't budge even a small portion of it.

You can't get up or wriggle free and you can't breathe easily with several loops ively hugging your ribs. You try to turn away or avert your gaze as the huge serpent tries to get your attention, but find it hard to resist any longer when it starts mentioning a terrifying preference of ingesting a pacified soft warm bunny to settle inside its stomach and help maintain comfortable body heat overnight over a brave cold stiff one with shattered bones. What else can you do other than turn towards it with a fearful squeek, only to find out you're just being toyed with and the overwhelming strongarm treatment was the 'gentle' version up to this point. Too bad, it's time for snakesnacks. And the swirly eyes. Ugh. é.è At least nobody's around to see it.

Kaaaa ♥

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